Keep calm

So that one coworker has managed to get under your skin.

Again.

The non-constructive criticism. The passive aggressive behaviors. The gossiping. The outright rudeness.

You have had it. You’re ready to blow a fuse.

Don’t.

As hard as it may seem, take a deep breath and keep calm. Easier said than done, I know. This one individual has made it their mission to drag you, and probably others, down to their level of misery. That’s exactly what it is. Misery. Perhaps their home life is falling apart. Perhaps they are struggling in school. Maybe someone they know is extremely sick.

Or maybe they are just an asshole.

Either way, they bring their misery to work and try to project it on others. It’s not your job to deal with their poor coping mechanisms.

I am not saying you need to ignore their behavior. I am saying don’t let them get you so worked up that you snap. When you snap you look like the aggressor and they get to play the victim. That’s why I want you to stop and take that deep breath. Walk away if you need to. Go take a break in the bathroom. Once you feel you are ready you need to pull them aside, if you’re comfortable, and speak your mind. Let them know you do not appreciate their behavior. Stand up for yourself. Calmly. Respectfully.

Then continue on about your day.

Two things will come from your conversation:

1. They realize they need to change their behavior.
2. They take no accountability and try to play the victim.

At this point, you have done what you need to do to handle the situation. If the behavior continues, take it to management. It is their turn to address this person. If you have a good manager they will step in and handle it. Conflict resolution is a part of their job. If your manager sucks, they’ll try to place it back in your hands and make you feel like you need to handle it. If your manager is the latter, take it higher. Make sure you communicate with management (through email so you have proof of escalation) that you are not comfortable with the way the situation was handled. Most places of employment have an HR department. Report the toxic behavior. You aren’t being a “snitch”. You are standing up against a toxic individual creating a toxic atmosphere. You are bringing attention to the fact that the behavior has been allowed to continue. You are taking a stand against lateral violence. You are taking the opportunity to fix a situation that has probably gone on for FAR too long. You are doing what is appropriate to create a positive work environment. You are doing what needs to be done. Take pride in that.

If you need to distance yourself from the individual(s) do so. If you can schedule yourself on the days or shifts they don’t work, do so. If you need to find a better place to work, DO SO. You became a nurse to help people, not deal with coworkers crappy attitudes for 8-12 hours. Self-care can mean removing yourself completely from a bad situation if need be. If you are treating those you work with respectfully, you deserve respect in return.

Keep calm and make moves.