I’m a nurse, and the worst patient

I am a nurse. I am very proud of that, I mean, I have a whole blog dedicated to being a nurse!

However, I am the worst patient.

Lately I have had to be a patient far more than I want to be. (Here is a link to my blog post on why I have had to be a patient frequently.)

I don’t know how to stop being a nurse and sit back and be the patient. I don’t know how to shut up and listen. I want to talk. I want to tell the doctor what I know. I want to be in charge of my care. I want to be the nurse.

I don’t like not running the show when it comes to my own care. However, this situation is aggravated by the fact that I don’t even know what is going on with my health. I feel completely helpless… and humble. I now understand the fear my patients have when they are coming to get scanned. As you all know, I work in radiology and a majority of the patients I work up are there to get scans to either see if they have cancer or to see if their cancer has spread. They are coming in dealing with the unknown. The fear, the anger, the tears, the blank stares, I understand why my patients exhibit so many emotions. It’s the unknown. I am going through it now and I am pretty sure I have gone through a lot of those emotions. I am blessed to not have cancer but having to go from seeing a family doctor, to a pain specialist, and now to neurologist, all because I have spreading neuropathy is scary. I don’t know what is wrong with me and as a nurse that drives me nuts.

I am a nurse, I help people get as healthy as they can. My job is to literally fix people and yet here I sit unable to fix myself because I don’t even know what’s wrong. I feel so helpless. I want someone to say “This is what is wrong and this is how we fix it”. I want to fix myself like I fix everyone else. I want to nurse myself back to health.

I don’t even know where to begin so friends I ask: do you have any suggestions for not going crazy as I work through this?

Dear administration

Dear hospital administration,

Hi, I’m just a lowly nurse here in your hospital but may I make a suggestion?

Please, PLEASE include the staff that will be working in a new area in the design of that new area!

I know you think you, the architect, and the contractor know what’s best but you don’t. YOU DON’T. You all look at what looks good. I mean, everything looks great on paper. What you aren’t paying attention to is whether or not the area will function for staff.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve walked into a new area and immediately started picking out what doesn’t work, what needs to be moved, and what needs to be completely redesigned. I’ve seen areas opened and then closed so it could be “remodeled”.

Stop it!

You could save money, time, and stress by doing it right the first time. Let us be a part of the planning process. Let us be a part of the “walk through”. Talk to us and find out what we do and don’t need in the new area. Talk to US! It will benefit everyone in the long run, I promise…

The kids are alright

This is my last week of shadowing in the PACU. I’m ending my week in pediatric pre and post op.

😒

I have been a grown up nurse my whole career. Med surg, small ICU, STICU, that’s what I know. I know how you fix an adult. I know nothing about children.

I am not good with kids. I’m uncomfortable around them. I’m not used to kids. I am out of my element.

I feel so freaking awkward!

I am so useless in here. It’s not because the nurses aren’t teaching me. The PACU nurses have been amazing. I just don’t know how to handle kids. I have none of my own. I don’t want any. I have no maternal instinct. I have little patience for crying. I’m just not good with kids and I’m well aware of that.

So here I sit, on my phone, typing up this blog while on lunch, hoping I survive a few more hours so I can go back to my adults in radiology on Monday…