A moment of prayer

How does it make you feel when the family of a patient starts to pray with you in the room? I used to feel uncomfortable because for a long time my relationship with religion has been iffy at best.

See, I am a bisexual woman that was raised Baptist. Yeah, “gay people are not of God and are going to burn in Hell” Baptist. My mom was a pretty liberal woman but our religion was not. I only came out two years ago but was well aware of my sexuality as early as high school. Religion and I didn’t sit well since I was pretty much condemned to Hell. This personal struggle affected how I reacted whenever my patient began to speak about religion or whenever anyone wanted to pray in the room. Typically it turned into “let me page the chaplain” as I awkwardly slid out of the room. I was allowing my own issues to affect my patient care. NOT OK! I really had to get it together. It took a lot of introspection and acceptance of what religion  means to me, and understanding that religion is different for everyone, before I became comfortable with religion in the hospital.

Standing and bowing my head while a family member is praying shows respect. I don’t have to pray like they pray or pray to who they are praying to. I can bow my head and pray for my patient in my own way. I can now listen to my patient talk about their faith and have an engaging conversation with them. Instead of religion making me feel like I was condemned and judged, I now look at it differently. I had to realize my patient was speaking from their point of view. They are sharing aspects of what religion means to them. At no point was my patient judging me. I know it sounds strange but when you are in the LGBTQ community, you tend to feel judged a lot simply for being who you are. I had to understand my patient had no idea about my sexuality and honestly, with what they are going through at the moment, they probably could care less! They are looking for hope. They are clinging to faith to get through a difficult time. They are coping with whatever is going on and for a lot of people, religion is the best way for them to cope.

This wasn’t about me. To bring my own insecurities into this was selfish! I was being so egocentric. I am not normally like that so why be like that now? I really had to make some adjustments to how I thought about religion. I had to learn that at that moment my patient needed someone to listen to them, to give them hope, to have empathy instead of just sympathy. At that moment, my patient needed Fred the nurse to be there for them.

I had to learn that it’s not all about me.

4 thoughts on “A moment of prayer

  1. I’m a lesbian atheist who wasn’t raised in a religion, so praying really doesn’t come natural to me at all. I work in medical icu, so there’s a lot of tough stuff and death, so there’s a lot of praying happening. I get where you’re coming from with feeling judged, the most vocal bigots are usually religious, so I keep my sexuality to myself when it comes to my patients, it’s easier for everyone that way. I don’t mind giving them a moment if they need to pray, or bowing my head for a minute if they want me in there though.


  2. What an amazing and honest blog! Fantastic to hear you came out too. That must of been so hard! I actually came out when I was 24 years old. I don’t follow any religion and I’m lucky that my family have always supported me throughout.
    But, my next question is, if patients ask you do you tell them? I’m only asking because there are some patients I don’t tell. It’s easier for me to just say ‘nope, single and not looking.’ Even when I was with my ex girlfriend, I denied it. Because I was scared of being judged myself, resulting in the patient possibly refusing my care! Which I didn’t want at all. There are obviously certain patients who you can talk openly with and who you know definitely wouldn’t judge which is great. But I tend to keep my own life very private.
    But you’re very right, the patient has to come first and whatever our beliefs in life should never be put on them 🙂 keep being amazing Fred! You rock!


    1. I think I judge whether I tell based on my interactions with my patient. I really try to avoid the convo all together but sometimes the situation is unavoidable. In the end I accept that everyone is as accepting as I would like and that’s their problem.

      Liked by 1 person

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